?

Log in

About this Journal
J·mann
noun \j-mann\
1: Queercore Whore
2: a · Ladyboy Artist
b · Example; "Im not an artist/Im a fucking work of art."-MM
Current Month
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
293031
Sep. 30th, 2011 @ 03:16 am Anthems
Current Mood: nerdynerdy
A LOT has happened in this last week, but ive been drowning most of the world out with my music and overdosing on lyrics. I swear my twitter and tumblr are absolutely flooded half to death XP And while every song i post is good, these 3 stick out the most in my mind at thee momento.




Swallow your pride and just let me in/I dont wanna hurt you/You know im your friend/If this is the outcome of all weve been through/It seems like a waste, i cant take all this waiting for you/I wont wait, i cant wait here anymore/So hard it hurts/But ill never learn/And youll never know how much it burns




The world is full of good intentions/Paradise is full of lies/Revenge Regret/Forgive Forget/Keeping Secrets/I wrote the book on it/DONT.TEST.ME./Heartbreak and then some/Tell me where is a friend when you need one?/Before you take a second look/Remember i know every trick in the book




Its not that i dont trust you/Well i just know what youve been up to//Youre down for selling me out/While i play dumb/Its cool cuz i let you/Thought id never catch you/You say "Were only friends, yeah, real good friends"/I bet, i bet//Thats right, ive got you figured out
About this Entry
juwana mann
Aug. 1st, 2011 @ 12:43 pm The Last Song Im Wasting On Youu...Literally
Current Mood: apatheticapathetic



</a>



Describes this perfectly<3
About this Entry
juwana mann
Apr. 26th, 2011 @ 04:47 am A Brand New Day In A Life That Youu Hate
Current Mood: geekygeeky


This song describes this perfectly. Brand New lyrics are king <3

Call me a safe bet, im betting im not.

I never pretended to be anything but a person. I WILL make mistakes. I WILL fuck up. But i have faith in myself. I can overcome ANYTHING these people can throw at me...And the one promise i know i can keep is this: Youu will ALWAYS regret losing me. I.FUCKING.PROMISE.

I never wanted this. I never wanted to hurt youu or anyone else i care about. Part of me wishes i could take it back...but youu cant take back fireworks, only ashes, and regretting the past is regretting who youu are today. And i regret nothing.


If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand
Hope you find out what you are; already know what I am
And if it makes you less sad, we’ll start talking again
You can tell me how vile I already know that I am
I’ll grow old, start acting my age
It’ll be a brand new day in a life that you hate
A crown of gold, a heart that’s harder than stone
And it hurts to hold on, but it’s missed when it’s gone

Call me a safe bet, I’m betting I’m not
I’m glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget

If it makes you less sad, I’ll move out of this state
You can keep to yourself, I’ll keep out of your way
And if it makes you less sad, I’ll take your pictures all down
Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out
It’s cold as a tomb, and it’s dark in your room
When I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds
So call it quits, or get a grip
You say you wanted a solution; you just wanted to be missed

Call me a safe bet, I’m betting I’m not
I’m glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget
So you can forget, you can forget

You are calm and reposed
Let your beauty unfold
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
You are second-hand smoke
You are so fragile and thin, standing trial for your sins
Holding on to yourself the best you can
You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins

Call me a safe bet, I’m betting I’m not
I’m glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget
About this Entry
juwana mann
Apr. 10th, 2011 @ 01:35 am McFuckitt.
Venting.

Ive never felt more betrayed right now. Understandingg someone never seems to be worth it these days. Just because i know why someone is screwing me over doesnt make it hurt any less. That people i trusted could believe such a blatant falsehood to the point of destroying our friendship is beyond me. How many people pulled that back in Utah, in fucking high school?! Fuck that and Fuck this. At least i stab youu in the front, that is, if im armed around youu at all. Whatever. I have lost nothing. But youu have lost me, and that is something youu will always regret. Always.
About this Entry
juwana mann
Apr. 9th, 2011 @ 05:01 am Tell The World Im Comin Home
Broken, but noot beat.

Im not running from anyone oor anything. I know ill be back. My life is here, and i want it to continue. But catching Scabies and being unnder tremendous stress has worn me out. I need to be with my family right now.

A lot has happened lately. Ive been hella lucky to make some amazing friends here, and i hope i know these people for a good long time :] All of the pain and hardship was worth it, and ive got no regrets about anything. Constance, Tay, Sara, Nick, Andre, David, Austin, Mike, Quinta, and of course Eva have helped me immensely and ill couldnt be more grateful that i have these people in my life. That being said, i AM coming back, and i hope everyone is still here and happy when i do :P I care so much about all of them, and theres no way im losin em ;)

If anything, im just happy to be seeing my fam and be somewhere safe for awhile.

As far as the last few posts, im glad i had a vent. Getting through Sara and the stress of everyday bullshit was really taking its toll...when everything was going wrong and id never felt so alone, i learned a lot. I think ive grown a lot. And im satisfied with myself for now.
About this Entry
juwana mann
Mar. 31st, 2011 @ 07:43 pm Women <3
Alice Glass <3





Dita Von Teese <3





Mary Elizabeth Winstead







Michelle Rodriguez






Joanna Newsom


About this Entry
juwana mann
Mar. 31st, 2011 @ 07:28 pm WeHeartIt--Pichurr Linkage <3





http://weheartit.com/jm081
About this Entry
juwana mann
Mar. 12th, 2011 @ 03:40 am Grr
If ever i wanted a break from reality, this wouldd be it.

Im constantly hungry, exhausted, irritable, sick, hurting, and i wear a cardboard smile. I have to scrounge enough change for Ramen just to put something in our stomachs once a day even though all the while im busting my ass trying to make up for my mistakes, including taking Sara to see Rango when i cant afford it after missing the devmeet i looked forward to for weeks bc i was so goddamn preoccupied with all this shit lately...and what happens?! She emails me attempting to dissect my friend Nick over wounds i NEVER inflicted nor would ever intend to place. In one fell swoop i get a "ill never see youu the same and youll never get even close to all the things we dreamed of bc im distancing myself from youu as painfully obvious as possible cuz i can", from wifey status to youure a horrible person out of fucking nowhere.
Theres not much more that irritates me more than being used and abused, especially on display. Dont use me for money, food, drugs, attention, love, ANYTHING. Ive destroyed people for less, and its my biggest fucking pet peeve beside lying and manipulation.
Nothing makes me sicker than not being able to trust or feel safe. Being let down, disappointed, deceived...literally drives me insane. I fall apart. And its all i can do right now to keep myself from slashing myself wide open, burning away all my care, swallowing any poison with a promise, or crawling into bed and never leaving it. The sickest part is knowing who all put me here.
Cant just one fucking thing go right?!
My life is in a nightmarish land of mania and dementia, split and tearing itself apart, tossing me across the borderlines without warning. My schooling is being fucked with. Jobs are dangling right beyond my grasp. My friends arent coming through save ONE. And now our money deal wont go through, so another week of homeless hell is what i have to look forward too. This is only a taste of my emotions at the moment. Ive many other things i could attack and dissect but my energy is spent. Seems a faceless "Dear Diary Anonymous" is the only one truly there for me i can trust these days. Ha. Ridikulous *Poof*
About this Entry
juwana mann
Mar. 9th, 2011 @ 04:30 am Who I Am
Now for the real shit. And yeah, its mostly about me.

Theres a lot ive been holding back inside. I havent told anyone, let alone dealt with it. And tonight...Eva really came through for me in a way no one here in Austin short of Sara has ever come through for me before. I needed to hear what she told me. I was finally ready. And she is right...dead right.

I cannot make a single fucking person happy but myself. I deal with some of the fuckin dumbest, most untolerable, and sometimes flat out wrong shit. I push myself inside and put everyone else first. Well, frankly, thats gonna change. Im sick and tired of being sick and tired. Im always exhausted, drained to the core. I constantly get sick and im usually in some kind of pain on a daily to hourly basis.

I cant take it anymore.

I cant handle being relied on by so many. I dont even feel like im living a lot of the time. I hold onto the bejeweled precious moments and tell myself it makes it worth all of it...but when those moments are endangered, i cant fake a smile.

I am thee fucking shit. And whats more, i KNOW it. I just seem to be easily deceived into forgetting im awesome temporarily. When im lashed at i take it so personally because ive been constantly striving to be a better improved person, and thinking ive failed somehow jumpstarts me to understanding and changing that issue. It used to mean a lot to me. But now i see myself through someones eyes and i cant find anything that seriously "wrong" with me. Like i used to always say, im fucking worth it flaws and all. My flaws are all apart of me, and many can be fixed if i so choose, but as long as i love myself, fuck what anyone else thinks. When ppl lash at me, it rly has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with that person.

Im done with it. All of it. Im finished. Fuck em all, this is me, whatevah.

Ive a MILLION more very important things i need to blog-vent about, but im once again exhausted, soo ill write tomorrow >.
About this Entry
juwana mann
Mar. 9th, 2011 @ 03:51 am Writer's Block: Happy, happy, joy, joy
Which song makes you happy every time you hear it, and why?


Oh, why, the Ren and Stimpy Happy Happy Joy song ;D Im SUCH a 90s kid, The Prince Of Bel Air song tickles me pink, the Power Rangers theme song is one of my ringtones, Backstreet Boys are forever immortalized in my mind, and the sounds of a happy well fed digipet is music to my ears XD <3
About this Entry
juwana mann